Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Real or Not Real? 7 Hilarious Comparisons Between Romantic Fiction and Reality

Most young girls who read paranormal romance and fantasy realize they're not going to run into a sparkling vampire who will suddenly become obsessed with them. Boys who read urban fantasy probably know they're not going to find a whip-wielding, gorgeous girl who takes out demons and governs downworlders all before breakfast. BUT...it's fun to think about a steamy, exciting, or romantic scene in your favorite book and compare it to what might actually happen in reality.

1. Heroine wakes up to find that Hero has been lovingly watching her sleep. Heroine smiles sweetly and they share a steamy good-morning kiss in the sunlight streaming through the curtains. Real or not real? 

NOT REAL!!! In reality, Hero rolls over from a dead sleep and decides to surprise attack Heroine with a little smoochin'. Heroine turns her head to dodge the kiss because the only thing she's thinking about is getting up, brushing her teeth, and getting rid of that morning breath!

2. Heroine and Hero are falling asleep one night when a banging noise can be heard outside. Hero hops out of bed and stands in front of Heroine, protecting her with all his muscle-bound glory. Real or not real? 

NOT REAL!!! In reality, Heroine gasps and shakes Hero, who has likely started snoring just three and a half minutes after his head hit the pillow. "Can you check to see what that noise was?" Heroine asks. Hero mumbles that Heroine is hearing things or that a squirrel is on the roof. Heroine tries a few more times before getting up and checking the house herself, with a steak knife or pepper spray hidden behind her back...just in case. 

3. Heroine watches Hero's brows draw together as he sits quietly. She puts her hand on his and asks him what he's thinking about. Hero looks passionately into her eyes and says, "I was wondering what I've done to deserve such beauty and grace in my life. I couldn't breathe without you by my side and I love you more than I have ever loved anything or anyone. You complete me." Real or not real?

NOT REAL!!! In reality, Hero is thinking about absolutely nothing. Or, he's thinking about the latest game out for the PS3 or Xbox 360...or possibly about who is going to win the weekend football game.

4. Heroine asks Hero if the outfit she's wearing makes her look fat. Hero responds with something that calms her insecurities and makes her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Real or not real? 

NOT REAL!!! In reality, Heroine asks Hero if her jeans make her butt look big and Hero's brain instantly goes into *warning mode.* He immediately attempts to distract her with something shiny so he can escape before he is forced to answer the question. He is well aware of the fact that any answer he thinks of is wrong, and even when he thinks he's come up with something profound and winning, the second it leaves his lips he will spot the deadly flaw in his words.

5. Hero has fallen so in love with Heroine that he must have her around him. Like she is a powerful drug, he is addicted. He cannot be near her without touching her skin or smelling her hair. When she is gone, he paces the floor wondering where she's at; or he follows her at a distance just to make sure she's okay. Heroine is flattered and in love with these things about Hero. Real or not real?

NOT REAL!!! In reality, Heroine calls Hero a creep and gets a restraining order.

6. The two love interests in Hero's life meet each other and each one realizes just how amazing the other is. Both women appreciate the other for their beautiful personalities and strength. They become great friends. Real or not real?

NOT REAL!!! In reality, the two love interests in Hero's life meet, and their own brand of greeting includes trying to physically cut the other using only their own eyeballs and the force.  There may be hair-pulling and lots of cursing...possibly that aforementioned restraining order.

7. Hero and Heroine can find a fairytale love that makes them forget all the heartache they've experienced in the past. Real or not real?

REAL!!! I firmly believe that while no love is perfect, there is someone out there whose love is perfect for you. <3 <3 <3

Do you have a funny comparison? Post it in the comments below and let me know what you think!


  1. Aw man this made me laugh so hard. Especially 5 hahaha.

    But then I get just a little sad. Stupid fiction... Why must you only exist in our minds? :P

  2. that was hysterical. just what i needed to get going this morning.